Friday, August 12, 2011

My Goals and Staying out of Love - Lyn Midnight

Welcome to the next round of Life List Club. Today I have the privilage of hosting Lyn Midnight. Lyn runs a fabulous blog and you can find the link for it in her bio at the end of the article.  I'll be over at Marcia Richards today, who is so gracious to host me twice in a row.  Pop on over there once you're done here and check the place out.

When I went back home last month, I didn’t just spend some time with the family and drink margaritas on the beach. I went all the way down memory lane and searched the deepest and darkest recesses of my childhood’s drawers. I kept coming across the same kind of wish lists made when I was an unpopular teen dreaming of being a singer/actress because she didn’t know better.

In those lists, there was one item that kept appearing and it was ‘having a boyfriend’. And even though, I’d written those a decade ago, I’m a little embarrassed to say that I still haven’t had a long-term relationship. Now that I think about it, I am not exactly sure why I wanted to have a boyfriend: was it because everyone else had one or because the fairytales were only happy because the princess found her prince? To this day, I believe that finding a soul mate is one of those things that makes life worth living, so I guess it wasn’t just because all the other bees were doing it.

No. I truly wanted to meet someone special. But I have yet to open my heart enough to let anyone get past all of my defenses. In a way, we are all different and we all want different things. If I had to dig deep, I’d uncover my unwillingness to depend on anyone else but myself… and that’s fine. Unless it gets in the way of letting love in.

Independence is a big deal for women nowadays and I’m one of those independent women all the way. I cook for myself (buy ready cooked meals), do my own laundry, buy my own tickets, and pay my own bills and dinners. And even though this is who I am and always have been, there’s something missing. Not because I saw it on a commercial or read it in a book… but because love is really that magical.

But what do my goals have to do with love and romance? They don’t. Truth is, I have never factored in a guy regarding anything life-changing or important to me at all. As time passes and my biological clock ticks, I am still unwilling to commit. The goals I put on paper have become more and more love-free. I used to read self-help books and write affirmations such as ‘My heart is open to love’, but lately, I have begun to withdraw from the concept altogether. Now my goals are all career-driven. I’d like to live in the States, publish my books, visit Australia, and take a course in Photography. No love in sight.

Maybe it’s because I had a rough time last year and maybe I’m not over my last love-related disappointment. Or maybe I have grown cold and unavailable.

But that wasn’t supposed to happen! I used to have crushes and dream of the perfect kiss, the perfect date, and the perfect wedding. Which is very ironic because I don’t even know if I want to get married and have kids… but it’s still the dream, isn’t it? And I am not immune to this dream, just like every other single girl out there.

I look around and I see couples. I stumble upon weddings. I hear vows and promises. And even though I am scared of the possibility of falling in love again, I don’t scoff or wave it all off. In fact, I envy those people. I heard once that it’s not important what you do in your life but who you do it with. I just hope that I can put ‘having a boyfriend’ in my goal lists again sometime, because it’s what brings back the spark in my life. And it brings hope.

So when you think about what you want… and make lists of goals and wishes… think about the person you’d like to share them with. And if you’re like me and that person has no face yet, be hopeful. After all, hope never dies. It can’t. Not as long as we feed it with our dreams.

So tell me… is love in your life list?

Lyn Midnight writes in various genres and formats (fantasy, scifi, poetry), and likes to blog about anything her heart desires over at Lyn Midnight Against the Odds. She is currently working on a scifi novel and managing another blog – The Burning of Innocence – where she posts fantasy flash chapters. The person behind the handle is a Psychology graduate and eternal nomad, trying to make her big break somewhere in England. Long live the Queen! And long live our dreams.


  1. I wanted love and feared it. Even after 9 years of marriage, it is great and terrifying sometimes :)

    An older friend, when I was single, used to tell me that when we are busy with making the best of ourselves, love finds us. So, I never put it in my list. But it was always in the back of my head.

  2. Lyn, keep pursuing your dreams, and your dreams will find you. Even if they're not the ones you originally set out to find!

    And I do hope you make it to the US! :-)

  3. Thanks, lovely gals. :)

    I know I know... you don't set out to find love, it finds you. Until then, I'll work on my life list. One small step at a time. *hugs*

  4. I was never sure I could find someone who would really honor and love me for a lifetime. Until I met my husband. He is amazing. Working out a life with another person is rarely easy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I don't know that everyone has to be married or anything like that. I think it either calls to you or doesn't. It's okay either way. :D

  5. I like what Amber has to say and it's funny you should mention love as a goal. Even though I've been married for four years, I write about love a LOT on my blog (every Friday is some aspect of love).

    I've come to several conclusions:

    1. Be the best you possible and the right person will come find you.

    2. Open yourself to the idea of life with someone else if you want this. I see so many people think they're just going to "add someone in." The reality is that you are blending two lives and both people will make changes and (hopefully) grow with the experience.

    3. All us Americans focus on love and weddings etc. I believe we'd do better to focus on what comes after all that.

    Does this person entertain us enough to look past the dirty socks, loud eating, PMS, in-laws, sick kids (fill in the blank) that fill up the day-to-day part of people's lives together? This is a big deal because I've dated MANY people that would never inspire me to ignore those things.

    Just my thoughts. :-)

  6. @Sonia Aww that is so sweet! When I hear such stories I get hopeful again (because in reality I am often too cynical, especially when it comes to love). Thanks for that. :)

    @Jenny You are absolutely right on all points, and I am especially happy you mentioned the third! See, I grew up with those romantic comedies, thinking that's all there was to love. WRONG. So yeah, I'd like to see more movies about what happens after. Maybe some day I'll know from experience. Thanks! :)

  7. @Lyn, thank you for such a beautiful article. What you had to say was really touching. Love is a tricky, scary thing. But it's also one of the most rewarding things out there if you find it.Personally, I'm still in the middle of the chaos, but the pain (I feel) will be worth the reward once I find it. After all, anything truly worth having is worth fighting for.

    @Jenny, I think you really hit the nail on the head there. Every couple has a million reasons as to why they should walk out the door then and there, so finding someone who's worth all the trouble and willing to put up with all the trouble you give them is really important.

  8. Thanks, Lyn and Emily. I have a baby sis (15 years my junior) so we've been having these discussions for years too. She's married now and it looks like it's gonna stick!!


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